On A Lighter Note (April 2020)

Killer Biscuits Wanted for Attempted Murder
(the actual AP headline)

Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.  Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer, who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa’s eyes were now open, and she looked very strange.

He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she’d been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked, but Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head.

When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head…  A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough had hit her on the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

The teacher of a class of young boys asked them to tell the meaning of ‘loving kindness’.

One pupil replied:-

“If I was hungry & someone gave me a piece of bread and butter that would be kindness, but if he put lots of jam on it as well, that would be loving kindness!”

Church Notice

“This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.”